The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

When Lou was first diagnosed with Alzheimers it really didn't register with me. I thought there must be some mistake because my daddy had alzheimers and Lou wasn't acting like him. The dr. said we should have two good years together. How can you put a time limit on something like that? Lou's always had his "own language" to compensate for his lack of knowledge I think. It's like he knows the word he's searching for is out there but he can't quite pronounce it like he should so he makes up a word that sounds like it, for instance......He called me from Washington D. C. one time and was talking about how clean everything was there. He made the comment that I should see the subway, there was no confetti (should have said grafitti) written on the walls! Since he's done that ever

since I've known him, it comes as no surprise when he continues to do it!
What I seem to notice now is his walk. It's much slower now, he has developed a slump,and he walks like he's wading through oatmeal. His memory of course is worse but it's not completely gone. He just loses words and names here and there.
I woke up one day last week about 3:00 A.M. to take the dogs outside and when I walked back into the house I noticed his bedroom light was on. He hadn't been feeling well so I thought maybe he was sick and walked down the hall to see if I could help him. He wasn't there. I went to his bathroom. He wasn't there. By now the hairs are beginning to stand up on the back of my neck. I walk out into the yard then back into the house. I could not find him anywhere! I kept telling myself not to panic, God's in charge. I opened the door to the garage. Our only truck was gone. Oh boy, I thought. How am I going to explain to the kids that I lost their dad?
Right away I got the impression that I should call the hospital. He may have wrapped the truck around a tree somewhere. Anything was possible. He'd almost quit driving because of his lack of concentration. On our last excursion he'd hit two different cars in the same parking lot, so I was more than a little uneasy to know he was behind the wheel in the middle of the night! I talked to the lady at the emergency room. Yep, he was there but he'd told her that he'd told me he was going there. I reminded her that he was an alzheimers patient and I would NEVER send him off in the middle of the night to a hospital BY HIMSELF! She said they'd done blood work and was getting ready to take him for a cat scan. I hung up, got dressed, then tried to execute my next move. I didn't want to wake anyone up and ask them to get out of bed to come get me so I waited until 6:00 A.M. then called my pastor. He came right over and together we went to face the runaway, He had pancreitis and spent several days in the hospital recovering. I went to Curves every day and worked off some of my stress. I've noticed even when he watches t.v. now he will have a "far away" look and I've come to realize at those times, he's "not there." He won't know what he's watched or if he enjoyed it. More and more often he comes into my office and just stands by my chair while I type. He also does this when I cook. He's either right beside me or right behind me. He's never cooked or even had a desire to learn so this "togetherness" can be frustrating at times, to say the least. It's kinda creepy. Each new day seems to bring a change now. I am constantly on the alert to see what I may have missed. It's like keeping up with a child again. Life can certainly be unfair but then I guess there are no guarantees with anything! Blessings to you.

Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't!

You know, when I was younger I fancied myself as a great writer, or a missionary, someone with a direction, a purpose in life. It's funny how things change as you get older. My perspective has changed. I've learned who I am and I am satisfied with who I am. Does that sound stupid? I have diabetes. I take several pills a day plus 5 to 7 shots of insulin a day. I have high blood pressure. I take 5 pills for it. I no longer work outside of the home. I chase three little dogs all day, seeing to their needs and giving them all the attention that I can muster.
Lou (hubby) and I were going to the baptist church but neither of us were baptists and we were unhappy with the pastor. He was a very nice man but oh, so dry when he spoke. We would always walk out of church feeling a need for more of God's word. We finally quit going to church. Over a year passed when one day we decided to try another church, in fact over the next few weeks we tried several churches with no luck. What did God want from us? How could we give to Him when we weren't recieving any spiritual nourishment? My soul yearned for something to hang onto. I read the bible, I prayed, I stewed, I argued with God, and finallly, frustrated and sad, I just let go. One more church to try then I'd made up my mind I was done with it! That Sunday we visited the First Christian Church. I'd grown up in this church but had never even thought about returning there. As we walked into the foyer I was shocked at the people who remembered me. They smiled warmly, gave me a hug, shook Lou's hand and said they were so glad to have us there. We sat behind one of Lou's golfing buddies. It took me a few minutes to realize his buddy had once been our milk man! Boy! Memories of my childhood flooded my mind as I sat there shaking hands and smiling.
Pastor Dean gave us a warm welcome as did his wife Della. Finally he began his sermon, quoting bible verses and patiently waiting to everyone to find the bible passages. Lou and I were both excited. This was what we'd been looking for! Why didn't I think of it sooner? Looking back, I think the holy spirit was working with us all the time, preparing us for this church, this pastor, these wonderful people. Now I praise God for our church family. I have to say I've never met a more loving group of people. There is no back biting, no gossiping, no accusations, just love. Its a refreshing change from other churhes we attended. That's all I have to say at the moment. God is good and love abounds. Blessings to you.